It should be noted that this isn’t referring to any specific events at Sundance but is just a reflection of feelings on networking I’ve had in the past:

The mind observes its own thoughts and draws conclusions, its observations as much stories as anything else.

We come to meet others, to join in a collective, to support and sustain and provide passion to mission to make the world a better place.

We come for ourselves, seeking to attain further and greater. We look around at the successes of others and feel a pang of frustration and anger, a yearning for another reality, and a power in knowing success is possible.

We feel terrible. Networky. Small and petty and vindictive in having shown up just for ourselves. We push the thought away, but thoughts push back. We’re still happy to be here, to be among others like ourselves.

We share a look and make a connection. A real connection. A smile on our face, it’s not a fake. We can see it’s not a fake. Somebody, we think, I would actually want to be friends with in real life. It’s hard to know what that means.

Networking, we think, is making real connections. Not worrying about what you can do, but connecting with people and the rest comes in the future. We are overwhelmed with the beauty of this world, of the people alongside us, holding hands side by side on this journey. Beer or laughs or board games. We feel at home.

Somebody says something. That thought “I want that” comes back in and we despise it in that moment. The glow that suffused the room sharpens to a cold clarity. “I hate these people” we think.

And sometimes we look back at the trajectory of this life and we see that living between those moments of small annoyances have been true friends we love. We see the moments that didn’t lead in that direction have fizzled quickly. We promise to ourselves to be truthful in our dealings with others, to be good.

But of course it’s not what we promise. It’s what we later decide we have done.